Knowing Your Self Love Language Will Change Your Life

woman in white standing by a door smiling: how to find your self love language

Unless you’ve been living under a rock, you probably will have heard of the 5 Love Languages. In his 1992 book, Gary Chapman explains the 5 different ways of expressing and receiving love: words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service, and physical touch.

Whilst we might all relate to most of these languages, there is generally one that we can relate to the most. Chapman believes that by understanding our partner’s love language, we can show affection in a way that best supports them.

What you might not have considered is how the 5 love languages relate to our most important relationship: the one we have with ourselves. By understanding how we prefer to show self-love, we can cultivate a deeper understanding of our needs and act in a way that properly fulfils us.

You might find that your self love language is the same as your regular love language. Alternatively, you might find it’s completely different!

Give each one a read to find out which language you identify best with and learn the best ways you can show yourself love depending on your findings.

1. Quality Time

If your self-love language is quality time, you enjoy spending some time alone to recharge. You use things like meditation or journaling to check in with yourself and pay attention to what you need in that moment.

Think of quality time as taking yourself on a date. Your focus should be solely on you, so minimise distractions to get the most out of this practice.

Acts of Self-Love Quality Time

Read a book
Take yourself on a coffee date
Try a self-discovery journaling challenge
Do a guided meditation
Watch the sunset
Go for a hike in nature
Plan a solo travel trip
Go for a drive

2. Words of Affirmation

Those whose self-love language is words of affirmation enjoy hearing compliments and gaining confirmation that they’re doing a good job. If this is the case, it’s important to fill your life with encouragement and kindness. Saying affirmations is really important if this is your self-love language!

Acts of Self-Love Affirmation

Try a positive self love journaling challenge
Use daily positive affirmations
Start a gratitude practice
Listen to a motivating podcast
Write down inspirational quotes
Write a list of reasons why you’re proud of yourself
Watch an inspiring TED Talk or a motivational speech

3. Receiving Gifts

Receiving gifts doesn’t have to mean anything big or extravagant. In fact, it’s the thought behind the gift that makes the big difference. Those who identify with this as their self-love language appreciate it when they truly listen to what it is they need. They like to be attuned to what would make them feel best in that moment and appreciate the idea that their wants are valid and worthwhile.

Acts of Self-Love Gifts

Buy yourself something you’ve wanted for a long time
Invest in a course that you’d like to take
Book a break or vacation
Use the products that you’ve been saving for a special occasion
Buy a ticket to a show or gig
Buy yourself flowers
Treat yourself to your favourite chocolate

4. Acts of Service

Acts of service towards yourself are a way of making life happier for future you. By preparing things early on, you’re able to enjoy the benefits later and appreciate yourself for the work you put in. For example, maybe you enjoy keeping your room clean and tidy, so that it’s a relaxing place to be in.

Self-Love Acts of Service

Prep your meals ahead of time
Delegate chores and tasks
Make clear boundaries for yourself
Make a therapy appointment
Tidy and clean your space
Make your bed in the morning
Schedule activities you enjoy into your week
Make yourself a self care kit

woman in a bath: physical touch, self love

5. Physical Touch

If your self-love language is physical touch, you feel your best when you’ve done things that make your body feel good. Acts of self care that have a positive physical effect on the body are what feels best for you. If you enjoy hitting the gym to relieve stress or booking in for a yoga class to relax, your self-love language is probably physical touch!